The World Cup is just over a month away. With that in mind we asked a host of bands the all important questions that need answering. BEHOLD!
What Football team do you love/hate and why?
Stuart Braithwaite(Mogwai): "Glasgow Celtic. They are the best darn team in Scotland."
John Robb (Gold Blade): "Blackpool, the mighty seasiders. Why? Because that's where I'm from!
Richard (The Boyfiends): "Spurs, because I am a lightweight fancy dan glory boy and a big fan of false hope."
Steven Adams(The Broken Family Band / The Singing Adams): "I don't support any football teams. I don't really like football. I've been known to watch the occasional big game on the telly, but only because I don't want anyone to feel like I'm making some big statement and opting out of society by not doing so. I wish I 'got it' sometimes, it brings so much joy to so many people. Sadly for me, it just seems like a bunch of jumped-up, overpaid hairgel addicts spitting in a field and wishing they were as dignified as rugby players."
Dan Treacy(Television Personalities): "Manchester Utd because I saw them when I was about 13. My dad used to take me to Chelsea games across the road and I saw them play United. Saw George Best and that was it."
Akira the Don: "Birmingham City Football Club. Cos I was born in West Bromwich, Go figure."
Martin Carr (Bravecaptain): "Liverpool FC - I fancied Kevin Keegan when I was eight. Chelsea - I think it's the fans I hate. No class."
Bossman Jim(PlayLouder): "Spurs 'cause they're brilliant, Arsenal 'cause they're shit."
Mothboy: "Exeter City , that's where I was born and bred and my Auntie used to take me to games when I was younger. Conference side now but I still follow them. I don't support Torquay United or Plymouth Argyle. Local rivals see."
Jeremy Allen(PlayLouder): "West Bromwich Albion. I moved to Birmingham for a bit when I was a child and had the misfortune of adopting a furiously fashionable team full of flair that were about to go down the shitter. Like they are now, without the flair or the fashionable bits."
The Pricillas: "We don't support Arsenal - their so called fans clog up the streets of Holloway on match day. We do have a soft spot for St Pauli, though, nice logo."
Luke Turner (PlayLouder) "Although I am an effete ponce I support naff and hard Essex boys West Ham, largely because my dad has been a loyal fan for decades."
Mark E (ireallylovemusic.co.uk): "None. I don't like football. I like music. As for why: I find blaming my parents is always an easy get out route, as I have no idea why the ritualistic male bonding sport of the masses never appealed to my inner soul."
Paul Kearney(Guided Missile honcho): "Liverpool. It's where I'm from - and I've been going since I was eight."
Sam Kelly (Circulus / Piranha Deathray): "I support Crystal Palace - I used to go on my own a few years back, sit in the corner of the Holmesdale Rd end nearest the away fans and chant abuse at them with the rest of the Croydon wide-boys - it's the closest I've got to being a hooligan. I'd run if it looked like any violence was going to break out of course - good sense of self-preservation."
Christian Silva(Christiansilva): "I like the struggling minnow teams where most of the players are also carpenters and estate agents. Shoe-salesman by day, midfielder on the weekends. Better to pigeonhole yourself twice. Burton Albion are brilliant. I'm from Burton-On-Trent and it's fair to say that Marmite, Beer, Paddy Considine and Christiansilva are the only decent things to have come out of the place."
Chris Chinchilla:"I supported West Brom for about a month because they were mentioned in a Play I was once in (Waiting for Magrette, Tom Stoppard) which was very successful. That was the only real reason, I never watched any of their matches, and have no idea where they are based or who plays for them..."
Erol Alkan: "I'm a joke at football."
Are you looking forward to the World Cup?
Martin Carr(Brave Captain): "Yes, it's like Christmas with sun but not as much football."
John Robb (Gold Blade): "Yes, the greatest sporting spectacle in the world; I mean who gives a toss about the Olympics, and only public schoolboys and posh Sunday papers give a shit about rugby fucking union."
Akira the Don: "No. It will distract my band from rehearsing and make me look bad."
Stuart Braithwaite(Mogwai): "Yes."
Dan Treacy(Television Personalities): "Yeah, I'll watch a bit of it. I like the African countries. I'll be cheering them on."
Sam Kelly(Circulus / Piranha Deathray): "Definitely although I'm meant to be finishing an MA at the same time - could be a nasty clash of priorities. Haven't got a clue how it's going to go - how about mild disappointment? 0-0, 0-0, 1-0 and scrape through the group stages? - Be nice to see Rooney rip it up though."
Luke Turner (PlayLouder): "No. PlayLouder will creak under the weight of Jeres sneaking references to the sodding contest into all the things he writes, and I'll probably find myself starting to give a fuck, which is always annoying."
Paul Kearney(Guided Missile honcho): "Deffo. It's a great competition. It gets more interesting each time as well, as the Premiership becomes more global and there's someone we know in most matches."
James(The Rocks): "Yes, I love it. It's only every four years so I can cope with that."
Steven Adams (The Broken Family Band / The Singing Adams): "Almost as much as I'm looking forward to the bird flu epidemic."
The Pricillas:"Only because for 90 minutes every night, it means that all those football fans will be off the streets and we can go and run amok. They'll never know what we've been up to. Bwahwhwhhahhaaa."
Jeremy Allen(PlayLouder): "I can't wait. I gave up my job to watch the 1998 World Cup. During the last one my boss let me go to the pub to watch every match, and she came with me. I like to watch every single game. My girlfriend will hate me. Yes, we are a tired cliche."
Mark E:"Despite my normal aversion to all things football related, in a weird way, yes I am. The event breaks up the usual routine, and the chaos on TV is always fun. Plus my kid is going shout at the TV a lot, which is always fun, as I can act all Dad-like and tell him to be quiet, thus assisting his oncoming teenage turmoil and eventual parental hatred (I have the Linkin Park catalogue on standby for when the hormones really kick in for him.)"
Chris Chinchilla: "No, I don't even know when it's on, or that it was even happening... I will probably go to Outer Mongolia when it is on."
Richard(The Boyfriends): "I love the World Cup. It's brill. Come on you Togo! Looking forward to the nail-biting tension as England come so desperately close to a last minute equaliser before going out in the quarter final to Portugal."
Christian Sliva (Christiansilva): "Mostly no. I'm especially not looking forward to the brief pandemic of extreme National pride that we'll all have to endure. Violent flag waving, tangible hatred for all other nationalities, inconsolable dejection when we lose a game, death threats to the poor fucker who misses a penalty."
Bossman Jim (PlayLouder) "Are you mad?"
Do you care who the next England manager is?
Richard(The Boyfriends): "It would nice to have an English chap I suppose, but there's not much available. I vote for Victor Boscovic."
John Robb (Gold Blade): "As long as it's not one of the English candidates. Egg is going to be on a lot of faces if Eriksson's England get to the semis or further!"
Jeremy Allen (PlayLouder) "Yes, passionately. I've still never forgiven Kevin Keegan, the wooly haired quitting twat. I think I should do it. I don't subscribe to the casually racist attitude that an England manager has to be English."
The Pricillas: "Ian Faith."
Stuart Braithwaite(Mogwai): "Not particularly. Hopefully he is as embarrassing as the last few and they get beat all the time."
Christian Silva (Christiansilva): "Mostly no. Although coming to think of it, Nigel Clough (Burton Albion) would be good."
Steven Adams (The Broken Family Band / The Singing Adams): "No."
Luke Turner (PlayLouder): "I generally prefer it if England lose because it's slightly amusing watching grown men weep, so someone rubbish would be good."
Martin Carr(Bravecaptain): "No."
Sam Kelly(Circulus / Piranha Deathray): "I don't particularly like the idea of Steve McClaren - too conservative. It'd be Sven but worse. How about Ossie Ardiles- he could bring his early nineties Spurs 3 - 2 - 5 glorious suicide formation?"
Paul Kearney(Guided Missile honcho): "It should be Chris Eubank. He'd do great interviews and I'd love to hear his team talks. OK, no I don't really care. No hang on, how about Michael Portillo?"
Bossman Jim(PlayLouder): "You are mad."
What would you do to make football better?
John Robb(Gold Blade): "Chelsea's sugar daddy fucks off."
Bossman Jim(PlayLouder): "Take lots of money away from Chelsea."
Stuart Braithwaite(Mogwai): "Maybe have a wage cap so that teams can't buy success so easily."
Akira the Don: "Microphones on the players innit. That would be totally sweet."
Mothboy: "Televise Conference games at a decent hour and not once in a blue moon at 3 in the morning."
Martin Carr(Bravecaptain): "Shoot all the players in the face."
James (The Rocks): "Make it illegal and put spikes on the ball."
Jeremy Allen (PlayLouder): "I don't know, maybe make it longer. I'd like there to be a terrestrial channel that screened matches 24/7. I could just sit and plug myself into football and forget about trivialities like life."
Chris Chinchilla:"Get rid of it... And have a closed environment when all the people who are the vaguest bit interested can go and natter about it endlessly to their hearts content, but not bother my TV or pub with their incessant rambling about 'us' and 'we', like they play on the bloody team, or that the team gives a shit about a fat, bald middle aged man in Surrey."
The Pricillas:"Have the players come onto the pitch on silver-painted unicorns. And have their kit changed to sailor hats, giant golden wings, red Speedos, and jet-powered boots. Plus, do away with the pesky game playing, and cut right to the chase. Homoerotic towel flicking and hot tub sharing on the pitch. Live! Live! Live!"
Paul Kearney(Guided Missile honcho): "Bring back standing. Hillsborough only happened because the police and stewards fucked up and opened a gate to let everybody into an already full section. The majority of fans (even Liverpool's, from what I sense from going to the matches) would prefer safe standing to make the atmosphere better."
Luke Turner(PlayLouder): "Have them play in the nude."
Sam Kelly (Circulus / Piranha Deathray): "Get rid of piped music at the grounds - football makes it's own excitement - it doesn't need synthetic enhancement. Plus get rid of those flashing advertising boards. Book divers and rollers. Charge less to get in."
Richard (The Boyfriends): "Bring back players having a fag and a pint in the bath after the game, along with short shorts, bigger and better on-pitch punch-ups and only League Champions being allowed in the so-called Champions so-called League."
Dan Treacy(Television Personalities): "Make it amateur. Play blindfold."
Steven Adams (The Broken Family Band / The Singing Adams): "Introduce the concept of 'the scrum'"
NEXT WEEK: Why don't football and music mix well? Looking forward to the Embrace single? Why are so many footballers utter morons? Do you ever wish you were a footballer?
