Playlouder - Music is the Network

Who wins at the Hoxton Bar and Grill (I didn't notice a grill).

Wet paint: kick off with the most unimaginate, plodding, 4/4 guitar chord indie rock I've heard in a long time, but ramp up to some catchier numbers towards the end of the set, and manage to win me over a little. 5 points.

Part chimp: have been at it for years, and I'm trying to remember their sound from faint recollections of seeing them support Arab strap as a teenager. Heavy 'post-hardcore' shtick? They're loud, as remembered, and a bit more metally than I recall. Unfortunately, just when they sound like they're going to launch into the kind of proper sludgy stuff that I do like to watch, they go a bit weak, a bit 90s metal. But without the conviction to go straight-ahead with that sound either. I'm not an expert on this stuff. You can probably tell. 6 points.

Chrome hoof: fucking hell, there's gotta be 10 of them. Two of 'em just dance. A bassoon comes out, a trumpet, a violin, more guitars than I can shake a stick at. I've been warned to expect "prog metal". It's not far off the mark, although they're a lot more fun than the label would suggest. Are they all in chain mail or mutilated disco balls? Top marks for performance, but the novelty wore off about half-way through their set. 7 points.

Sleemans amber ale: the hallowed middle ground between European lagers and British ale. I've never seen this before in England, let alone on tap, in a pint glass. They serve this in fucking hoxton? It brings back waves of nostalgia from my year in Toronto, where this stuff would set me back a whopping two bucks fifty at dives around College and Bathurst. I and a fellow ex-ex-pat purchase pints. 10 points.