Playlouder - Music is the Network

Nothing excites me with quite the same passion as news of a new Alanis Morissette album.

The good people at Warner Music obviously feel the same, as they felt it necessary to have the release couriered to the office, in its large, white jiffy bag, from 12 Lancer Square, London.

It was addressed to ‘Jeremy Allen’, and has his name on the disk, along with numerous reminders of just what a serious matter an Alanis Morissette album is, and indications that he (“(“YOU”)”) must agree with the terms and conditions, or immediately (“AT ONCE”) make a phone call to the United States to arrange for the return of the unopened CD.

Sadly, the CD is so copy protected (see the below illustrations), that it’s only allowed to be listened to by Jeremy Allen (until after the release date) – so even if somebody called Jeremy Allen was in the office with me right now, I’d have to cover my ears if he put it on the stereo.

By the time I realised this I’d already decided I’ll have to change my name, by deed poll, to ‘Jeremy Allen’ if I'm to have any hope of hearing the new Alanis Morissette album, ‘Flavors of Entanglement’, before the June 2nd release date.

A simple procedural formality, a couple of quid, and soon the first Alanis album since 2004’s “well-received” ‘So-Called Chaos’ will be mine.

Except it won’t, will it? Because (as the eagle-eyed amongst you will note) that’s not an Alanis Morissette album in the packet, is it? I haven’t torn the legally-binding seal of ‘WARNING!’ yet, but through the circular window in the front I can quite clearly see that it’s an Alan Martin CD inside the überprotected, biohazard-chic casing. 

Alan Martin is either a chef or a motivational speaker, according to my sources.

‘Epiphanies’ indeed.

Who can help me unravel this mystery? Do the clues lie scattered throughout history?