Playlouder - Music is the Network

Monkey-faced scientists in bringing crab-cow to life shocker! Yes, it could only be Bloc Party’s (sort of) new single ‘Mercury’, which I’ve only just heard.

This is Kele Okereke at his angsty best, and the vaguely pretentious video - and it’s complete lack of empathy with the song - only bolsters what is already a brick-solid skiffle-stomp of a post-punk disco bombshell. With bells on.

Undeniably, when one first hears it, it’s intensely annoying. “I don’t care about your mercury”, you’ll be tempted to say, “It’s ten AM on Monday morning and I just want something I can ignore. I wonder what’s on radio 2?”

And how many times can you repeat the line “My Mercury’s in retrograde” before your audience spits their coffee all over their keyboard and yells “What the hell are you on about, you whining idiot?”

Answer: 20.

I counted twenty, that’s not including the number of times he begins the sentence without finishing it due to his Gareth Gates-esque speech impediment.

And I love how Kele says “My Mercury’s in retrograde” where other people would say “I’m a bit pissed off”, or “I’m sad”.

Basically, as usual, he’s got a desert island’s worth of sand in his vagina and it’s all the fault of how crap he is around women:

“When I saw you last night, I wanted to say, /`Run away with me, away from the cynics / That this could be the start of something truly real`/ But all that I could say was, `hey`, / Was, `hey`, was, `hey`, was, `hey`”

Brilliant! No wonder your mercury’s in retrograde if you can’t string a flippin’ sentence together. Oh, come here and give me a hug you big idiot!

Good song: